My extended family (in-laws) and I have been having, yet another, rough patch. While I realize it's a combination of events, faulty communication, and some cultural differences, I always felt so picked on before. I don't feel picked on anymore. I suppose that's because I know better than to assume their issues/problems have to do with me and understand now they have more to do with themselves and the internal filters that the ego pushes every spoken word through instead of just hearing what is said.
That isn't to say, of course, that I don't have my very own egoic filters. Being more aware of them is helpful though when you don't want to take things personally. You know those comments that your Mother-In-Law or Father-In-Law (both in my case) just can't help but throw into conversation?
About your cooking?
The way you keep house?
(personal favorite) The way you're raising your own children?
Yes, it helps to understand that it's not really about me, and when they says some pretty nasty things, that I am not required to be personally affronted. I had learned how to laugh that off, and just roll with the jabs, because in the end, I don't really truly care what they think of those things.
My ego did get involved, though, when my Father-In-Law yelled at my children saying I was 'mean and hateful' to him and that they should tell me all about it. It's just one of those things, that you can't really let roll off of your shoulders when a grown man yells at your children, much less, about you the parent. My ego couldn't help but feel... very very involved when later he blamed me, for his outburst at my children, saying that if it wasn't for me, everyone would be happy. So, just so we're all clear, it was my fault that he yelled at my kids. (right)
So, if it wasn't for me, everyone would be happy? While Mr.T doesn't agree, and I'm fairly sure my children don't agree, it did get to me. For about thirty minutes I contemplated my roll in his toxic outburst to my children. For about thirty minutes I caved into that self doubt, did I really cause this all to go terribly wrong and as a result my children were wronged?
In the end I knew, really, that his temper tantrum was his own doing. I don't take responsibility for other peoples actions. They think because I don't apologize to them, for making him do that I guess, or any number of other atrocities they imagined I have committed, that my character is completely flawed. I'm sure they thought this before though. Just so everyone is aware though, I don't take responsibility for anyone else's poor judgment, but I do take responsibility for my own poor judgment. :P
Labels: ego, family, insanity, kids, parents
