These are the days of our lives.. or unlives depending..

Yes, I've been watching that damn epic teenangster Vampire Diaries drivel and it has me ensnared in its tentacles of drama.  I guess it shouldn't be shocking that I suddenly have a bit of a break out on my face, so I also get to 'look' like I'm a dorky teenager, except for those pesky wrinkles and age spots.

Growing up in southern California has its perks.  Mostly it's all about the weather.  There is also a plethora of things to do that are very specific to the area and the beach is always 20 minutes away.  The biggest drawback I can think of is that I was raised around people who cared entirely too much about how they looked.  This was something I have carried with me my whole life.  This vanity, my best and worst friend ever.  This constant worry about my nose, it's too big, oh and I'm fat, and I have ugly knees.

People seriously are saturated with having to worry and fix or attempt to fix all of their flaws.  This has helped form who I am, and as sad as that is, I can't seem to let it go.  I don't much care about what others particularly think of me, but I have standards and 'expectations' of myself to a degree.  I expect to age, sure, but I don't want to.

Do I want to live forever like the vampires?  No.  I don't want to live forever.  Those poor people in Mystic Falls have some serious problems because they will live forever or whatever.  I want to age.  I just don't want to LOOK like I'm aging.  I can't have it both ways.  Hell, vampires aren't real, so I can only have it one way.

Tomorrow I'm going to the dermatologist, we'll talk about my age spots and wrinkles and maybe remove some pesky moles.  Like the ones that could be cancerous or whatever.  If I'm honest, I'd say how very much I wish I could have my breasts lifted, my nose fixed, and a face lift.  The sad part is that I've 'planned' on needing these alterations from the time I was about 13.

Vanity.  Best, worst, and ever present constant friend...  I realize it's silly and shallow.  I get it.  Really, it's part of who I am, just not the best part of who I am.

UPDATE: Got the spot removed.  So for posterity, no makeup, bulbous nose and all, here is why people should always wear sunscreen - so that they don't need spots burned off of their faces.